what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
