I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I lost the right to judge tonight
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
