We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
