He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
