Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have demons in me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
