lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
