home. puking in laundry basket.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We just shotgunned beers for America
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Randomize
