I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
