He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
