Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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