I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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