I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
