PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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