if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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