No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
