He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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