My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
