Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
