Four minutes until I can fart!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
