So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
