All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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