none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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