just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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