Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
