trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
