she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
