You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
