yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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