I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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