What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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