Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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