If that was your dad, he is hot
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
