So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
