Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
