i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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