how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
