Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
