I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Girls should come with a carfax report
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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