You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
