I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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