god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
