Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
