Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
