i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
