are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
