call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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