Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
