Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
