he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
