she was so not down for the gang bang
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
